15 Comments

Rather refreshing to read this when the wave of "masculine energy" is doing the rounds.

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You're probably not surprised that I largely agree with you. But I'm curious how, as a leader, one can take these two points: "Wait for an invitation. Talk less." and turn them culture-building actions where others feel invited in to *not* wait for an invitation and to talk *more.*

My technique has always been to "play with an open hand." Be totally open with my vision for the team, my belief that we're in the middle of a learning process ("this is a team skill"), my hopes for how they'll contribute, and the specific things they'll see me do to try and get there.

But I'm especially curious how you would suggest leaders act?

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In my last role, I had to transition from being the most junior Product person on a team to being (often) the most senior. I realized that talking less and letting it be other people's ideas (etc) was critical, and I was BAD at it.

Here's the technique I used to improve:

1. Provide framing and context but not conclusions

2. Ask socratic questions and try never to make statements or judgments (your statements will shut down the conversation)

3. Invite others to contribute their thoughts.

4. If you feel like a critical point needs to be made, write it down. Wait. Wait. If someone else does not make the point after some period, or the conversation is moving on, or if someone asks me my opinion, only then are you allowed to make it

This worked well for me. I found that oftentimes, all I needed to do was that first part.

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I love #4.

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Having a boss in the room always makes things messy, but if a bunch of peers have to dance around each other, I think the odds of "aggressive" thinking/learning are low.

(Example: I've seen people have incident-analysis discussions "without naming names", which eliminates any actual learning-depth. And yes, that organization had a history of never learning/improving anything important.)

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"After surveying the environment, he starts to drill down into the organisation and management of the restaurant, both formal and informal. One of the big themes of GRKN is always the tendency of people to try and cope with structural problems and live with them, and the way in which accommodations made (often made to avoid interpersonal conflict) start turning into hard constraints, shutting off whole avenues of possible solutions."

https://backofmind.substack.com/p/gordon-ramsays-policy-nightmares

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I'm going to store this message close to my heart and my practice. This is a mistake that I have probably done, inadvertently. Thanks for putting it into words.

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I‘m a little disappointed here because for me that basically adds up to „shut up“. I have to chew on this…

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Yep. It is a tough one if you care about this kind of stuff.

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Casualty of thinking in systems when others don't. Good advice, but don't let it slow you down any.

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Love the article. Love the suggestions.

Just so so hard to implement them

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“Our system kind of sucks at that right now.”

Great post, especially your suggestions at the end.

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