To thrive in tech, you must figure out how to work with Very Confident People who dismiss you. You will encounter people who are very confident about their views on what motivates people and what constitutes effective leadership, management, organizational culture, etc.
Being a reserved and "laid back" person, the biggest surprise for me as I began to assert my own ideas was the strength of the emotional response that happened to me. That can make saving your energy a difficult task, and being blindsided by this kind of dismissal when you have big ideas and deep beliefs can reveal extremely energy consuming emotions you didn't know you had.
One tool that has helped me in situations like that is disassociation. There's any number of methods or tricks for that - and I won't pretend to be anyone's therapist - and what works for me is Jack. Jack rants and raves and blows off immense amounts of emotional energy. But that's Jack. In the moment, I can tell Jack to shut up, he'll get his opportunity later, right now I need to focus on this zoom call or finish this piece of work or this day or whatever.
Great post, John! It reminds of a time when I was interviewing with Amazon for a UXD role. While discussing my case studies with a principal designer, he gave me the idea that you have to be confident while pushing back and people need to respect your expertise. He told me that his experience is so vast that if we start debating on a point that I feel is worthless, I say so with conviction. If the other party starts talking about data or research to identify this, I tell them No because I've enough experience in this and doing any more research is a waste of time.
Great questions and thoughts, thank you for sharing, John!
Trying to add first thoughts after reading and answer your question at the end:
it's tough as usual when working on yourself and leaving your comfort zone driven by other people and views.
I try to reframe my attitude towards curiosity and ask questions seeking to understand the the other side and challenging things I see, hear and feel.
The other part is trying to let go and trust the knowns and unknowns. You can't change people who dismiss you and your beliefs. But you can work on your side, what you can control and take action.
Being a reserved and "laid back" person, the biggest surprise for me as I began to assert my own ideas was the strength of the emotional response that happened to me. That can make saving your energy a difficult task, and being blindsided by this kind of dismissal when you have big ideas and deep beliefs can reveal extremely energy consuming emotions you didn't know you had.
One tool that has helped me in situations like that is disassociation. There's any number of methods or tricks for that - and I won't pretend to be anyone's therapist - and what works for me is Jack. Jack rants and raves and blows off immense amounts of emotional energy. But that's Jack. In the moment, I can tell Jack to shut up, he'll get his opportunity later, right now I need to focus on this zoom call or finish this piece of work or this day or whatever.
Great post, John! It reminds of a time when I was interviewing with Amazon for a UXD role. While discussing my case studies with a principal designer, he gave me the idea that you have to be confident while pushing back and people need to respect your expertise. He told me that his experience is so vast that if we start debating on a point that I feel is worthless, I say so with conviction. If the other party starts talking about data or research to identify this, I tell them No because I've enough experience in this and doing any more research is a waste of time.
Fabulous post, and I have experienced this. Your first point: "Save Your Energy" has become my mantra.
I am late career, and really just can't get too riled up about their dismissal of my views.
Great questions and thoughts, thank you for sharing, John!
Trying to add first thoughts after reading and answer your question at the end:
it's tough as usual when working on yourself and leaving your comfort zone driven by other people and views.
I try to reframe my attitude towards curiosity and ask questions seeking to understand the the other side and challenging things I see, hear and feel.
The other part is trying to let go and trust the knowns and unknowns. You can't change people who dismiss you and your beliefs. But you can work on your side, what you can control and take action.