My therapist has used ACT a lot with me over the years. One mental model is the unwanted guest at the party - what if you visualize this situation/person/problem like an unwanted guest at a party. You could make a scene, kick them out, cause a huge fuss. Or you could just acknowledge mentally that they’re there and that’s annoying/sad/enraging and choose to focus on the guests you do want to engage with. This ability to acknowledge and accept instead of react - life changing.
Youve managed to bring together nicely my own conclusions of identity and relationship to work place after 2 years of therpy and mass consumption of art of accomplishment podcasts into a very nice coherant piece. Thank you.
I can relate to everything youve shared and find writing helpful thread to continue to explore/ be curious. Such is the journey of mentalyl and rationally removing the identity from the org feedback and agenda. Harder work for the nervous system to get the update. Im at the start of the practice using ACT to break the cycle ir at least notice it inaction.
Thank you for all the references as well. Its great to see how much research is done to know that so many people understand or can be curious about why these patterns happen i people systems and how to make these environment thriving even enjoyable not just about the bottom line of the sole sucking "jfdis".
Love this. I like to ask myself “What would be useful here? What would be beautiful?” The usefulness question gets me thinking about what it is that I actually want to happen. And the beautiful question reminds me that some actions are worth doing regardless of usefulness. ❤️
What a great piece, it resonated so much with me, thank you for sharing. Sharing my own "beautiful mess - thoughts" here: It brings me back to how I perceive myself beyond what I do, or when someone ask me "Tell me about you", and I start sharing what I do for a living, and my role. One way to think about this is that some (or most) of us went through meaningful/painful experiences to get where we are professionally and that got so deep and intense that we perceive it as scars of a battle, deeply connected to who we are. In other words, we might demand from work environments something it will never give back, because it is not the place or the people to request that from...and as you said in the article, we have to disconnect our self-worth from it, we are so much more than a role, and a work scene, why should we believe "that" audience will understand that ?
This is the piece I didn't know I needed named. I've lost jobs unceremoniously to executives who were insecure, political, and busy optimizing at the margins while I was trying to build something that actually mattered. And each time some part of me decided the problem was my inability to play along or act like them. Your Gervais Principle section put words to it: I'm a Loser who never made peace with the bargain. What I can't tell yet is whether the move is to keep refusing it, or to actually go find the fourth path you mention almost in passing . . . a way to keep the purist intact without paying a financial & emotional toll for it every few years.
Brilliant as always, but I think this one for me has an extra level of resonance.
Maybe it’s the timing. Maybe it’s saying all the things (and more) that float around in many people’s heads. Especially my own.
Thanks John. For this. And for all your writing. All your sharing. All your decoding and wrangling of complexity out loud.
My therapist has used ACT a lot with me over the years. One mental model is the unwanted guest at the party - what if you visualize this situation/person/problem like an unwanted guest at a party. You could make a scene, kick them out, cause a huge fuss. Or you could just acknowledge mentally that they’re there and that’s annoying/sad/enraging and choose to focus on the guests you do want to engage with. This ability to acknowledge and accept instead of react - life changing.
Youve managed to bring together nicely my own conclusions of identity and relationship to work place after 2 years of therpy and mass consumption of art of accomplishment podcasts into a very nice coherant piece. Thank you.
I can relate to everything youve shared and find writing helpful thread to continue to explore/ be curious. Such is the journey of mentalyl and rationally removing the identity from the org feedback and agenda. Harder work for the nervous system to get the update. Im at the start of the practice using ACT to break the cycle ir at least notice it inaction.
Thank you for all the references as well. Its great to see how much research is done to know that so many people understand or can be curious about why these patterns happen i people systems and how to make these environment thriving even enjoyable not just about the bottom line of the sole sucking "jfdis".
Love this. I like to ask myself “What would be useful here? What would be beautiful?” The usefulness question gets me thinking about what it is that I actually want to happen. And the beautiful question reminds me that some actions are worth doing regardless of usefulness. ❤️
It has been a while since I've read an article that resonates so well. Thank you.
What a great piece, it resonated so much with me, thank you for sharing. Sharing my own "beautiful mess - thoughts" here: It brings me back to how I perceive myself beyond what I do, or when someone ask me "Tell me about you", and I start sharing what I do for a living, and my role. One way to think about this is that some (or most) of us went through meaningful/painful experiences to get where we are professionally and that got so deep and intense that we perceive it as scars of a battle, deeply connected to who we are. In other words, we might demand from work environments something it will never give back, because it is not the place or the people to request that from...and as you said in the article, we have to disconnect our self-worth from it, we are so much more than a role, and a work scene, why should we believe "that" audience will understand that ?
This is the piece I didn't know I needed named. I've lost jobs unceremoniously to executives who were insecure, political, and busy optimizing at the margins while I was trying to build something that actually mattered. And each time some part of me decided the problem was my inability to play along or act like them. Your Gervais Principle section put words to it: I'm a Loser who never made peace with the bargain. What I can't tell yet is whether the move is to keep refusing it, or to actually go find the fourth path you mention almost in passing . . . a way to keep the purist intact without paying a financial & emotional toll for it every few years.
You basically detailed my tug of war with my professional life. Well written!